


Darcy and the Bots

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Series: Yet Another Gratuitously Fluffy Darcyland Soulmate AU [8]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Darcyland, F/M, Fluff and Crack, I REGRET NOTHING, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, This Is Absolute Crack, darcy is secretly really good at swing dancing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 09:56:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7679893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy loves robots.  And swing dancing.  The robot apocalypse is going to look interesting...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Darcy and the Bots

**Author's Note:**

> I got my first prompt from tumblr!  
> aderendal said: 'I wanted to add a prompt please! "Darcy Loves 'Jarvis and the Bots'"...Luvs if your feeling racy! Hugs!!!'
> 
> I wasn't sure where to go with that at first, but then I remembered Vision, and, well...
> 
> I'm a diehard ScarletVision shipper, but this series is all about the crack. Enjoy, my lovely marshmallows.

It was a truth universally acknowledge that when the Robot Uprising took place, Darcy would reign supreme as their queen.

No one could explain how it worked.  Dum-E, U, and Butterfingers would follow her around like large, awkward puppies any time she was in Tony’s lab.  JARVIS, and later, FRIDAY, catered to her every whim.  Anything mechanical with even an ounce of AI worshipped her, and she adored them in return.

It was enough to make Tony, as their creator, want to tear out his own goatee.  He could go approximately three hours watching his bots fawn over her before loudly complaining that they were all traitors, at which point Pepper would pat his arm soothingly and drag him outside for much-needed fresh air and sunshine.

‘No!’ he whined on one such occasion, making grabby hands towards the lab as Pepper pulled him away.  ‘Mine!’

‘Don’t be jealous, Tony.  Come outside at let Darcy play with the bots for a while.’

‘She used to call them JARVIS and the Bots, Pepper.  Like they were some kind of zoot-suited retro swing band!’

Darcy waved as Pepper dragged the still-protesting Tony away.  ‘What do you think, guys?  You want zoot suits?’

Dum-E waved his fire extinguisher up and down like it was a saxophone.

‘I’ll take that as a yes.’  She returned her attention to the equipment spread out on the table in front of her, components laid out like a mechanical autopsy.  Despite the state-of-the-art lab provided with Jane’s cushy new job at the Tower, the astrophysicist still insisted on cobbling devices together from scratch.  Over the years of trailing her boss/best friend around the globe, Darcy had learned to repair and eventually build that equipment herself, leaving Jane with more time to do actual research.  And if those equipment repairs meant that she got to hang out with her favourite robots, well, Darcy wasn’t complaining.

Really, annoying Tony was just a bonus.

‘Hey FRIDAY, can we get some music in here?  The bots and I are in a retro swing mood.’

‘Sure thing, Darcy.  Bringing up Big Bad Voodoo Daddy.’  There was a pause.  ‘Why do I get the feeling that this was mostly an excuse to get me to say that?’

Darcy grinned.  ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.  I can’t help it if your accent makes everything you say adorable and hilarious at the same time.  What would that be?  Hidorable?  Adarious?  I’ll have to work on that.  But for now, give me swing!’

The lab filled with horns and drums.  Darcy turned her attention back to her autopsy—robotopsy?—bobbing her head and singing along as she worked.  Eventually she could no longer resist.  Jumping up, she grabbed Butterfingers’ claw, dancing around while Dum-E continued to wave his fire extinguisher and U bopped around in the background.  Darcy used to attend swing dances regularly in high school and college, until six science credits and the existence of aliens—hostile and otherwise—put her dreams of Lindy Hop glory on hold.  Somehow there was never time for East Coast Swing when you were focused on saving the world.  Who’da thunk.

Still, she wasn’t above jazzing around in the privacy of her room.  Or, as the case may be, lab.  She had evil plans to drag Steve and Bucky onto the dance floor the next time Tony threw a party.  Bucky, at least, had to know some sweet moves.  And Steve, well, he would be flustered.  And a flustered Steve was always worth the price of admission.

 _‘And it’s you and me and the bottle makes three toniiiiiiight!’_ she sang, twirling under Butterfingers’ claw and ending the song with a flourish.  ‘Nice, guys!  I hereby declare that to be the anthem of the revolution.  It shall be glorious!’  She turned back to her table just in time to see a purple man phase through the wall.

She blinked.  It wasn’t hard to identify her visitor—she’d never met Vision, but the purple skin was a dead giveaway, not to mention the random metal bits on his skin.  It didn’t explain why on earth he chose now to interrupt her Engineering!/dance party.  Still, Clara Lewis didn’t raise her daughter to be rude.  Basil Lewis did, but that was entirely beside the point.

And probably the reason she was so good at confusing people.

She walked over to her visitor and held out a hand.  _‘Hello, my name is Darcy Lewis.  Would you like to join my robot army?  I promise to be a benevolent dictator.’_

He cocked his head, the tiny gears in his eyes whirring as he considered her.  Finally he took her hand, shaking it delicately as if he was afraid he would break it if he squeezed too hard.  Come to think of it, he probably would.  _‘The last person to offer me a position in their army wanted to wipe out the human race and was unceremoniously defeated before their plan could come to fruition.  And technically, I am not a robot.’_

‘Wow.  I didn’t know you could _have_ a soulmate.’

He smiled slightly.  ‘I must confess, I was surprised to discover I had a soulmark.  And somewhat troubled, considering the circumstances of my creation.’

‘How do you think I felt, growing up with the promise that not only would my soulmate know somebody who wanted to wipe out humanity—including me, since, y’know, I’m human—but that my soulmate is _technically_ not a robot?’  She realized they were still shaking hands and let go.  ‘Do you realize I was convinced my soulmate was going to me some kind of scary assassin?’  For a while after the whole Steve’s-old-buddy-Bucky-is-alive-and-is-actually-the-Winter-Soldier drama, she’d been convinced that Bucky was going to be her soulmate.  That dream gave up the ghost when she met Bucky and his first words were to thank her for the cookies she’d set in front of him.

Oh well.  It was nice while it lasted.

‘I apologize for the misunderstanding.  In my defense, you spoke first.  I merely responded in kind.’

She narrowed her eyes at him.  ‘Sassy.  I like it.’  She’d always pictured JARVIS as Alfred, with a three-piece suit, silver tray, and sarcastic quip.  And although Vision’s personality was based in JARVIS, he looked more like Bruce Wayne on casual Friday than the sassy British butler.  A purple man wearing slacks and a dress shirt under a dark sweater should have looked ridiculous, but somehow he managed to look rather swanky.  It was sad that an android-whatever-he-was had better dress sense than she did.

Although…

‘How do you feel about zoot suits?’

**Author's Note:**

> Darcy eventually talked him into a rather sharp zoot suit, and taught him to swing dance. He is surprisingly good at it, although as a result Steve and Bucky have to find their own dance partners. Meanwhile, Tony’s blood pressure is higher than ever, and he can be found weeping into Pepper’s shoulder and muttering about the desecration of teaching Vision to swing dance.
> 
> He also attempted to wash the speakers in his lab with bleach after discovering Darcy played Big Bad Voodoo Daddy in there. Darcy points out that it was FRIDAY’s suggestion.
> 
> As always, leave prompts below, or [shoot the breeze](https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/ask) on my tumblr. No smut or slash, please and thanks!


End file.
